Only you can ensure that this speech is never heard, America

(AP)

(AP)

Under the theory that it is best to confront your fears, I present the speech by Donald Trump that I hope we don’t hear later tonight:

“So amazing. So amazing. Unbelievable. Can you believe it? Nobody believes it…. Are we going to Make America Great Again or what?!!!

I mean — it’s such an important – some people are saying that it’s one of the most important elections, well actually, THE most important election in the whole history of the world for a lot of reasons, not just that I’m the president — well, mainly because I’m now the president, but for a lot of reasons.

But honestly — we have to be honest here, right? — mainly because I’m the president. It’s amazing. When you’re the president, you can do anything. You can just walk up and to a beautiful woman and … I’m gonna need more Tic Tacs.

All the phone calls we’re getting, all the congratulations. Crooked Hillary, she calls me, just a few minutes ago. She congratulates me, tells me that she accepts the verdict of the American people. “Yeah, yeah,” I say, “whatever, Hillary.” What a loser! I guess now we won’t need any Second Amendment remedies. Nice. Saves on ammunition. I think that’s very nice, OK? Besides, now that I’m the president, we can do it all officially. She’s so guilty. So guilty.

(Chants of “LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP!!”)

‘What do you think? Should I do that? OK. Where’s our new attorney general? Where’s Giuliani? Rudy, get to work on that right away. A nice orange jumpsuit, I think, very fashionable. I tell you, this is just the start of so much winning, so much winning we have to do.

Oh, there’s the media out there. See them back there, all those reporters? Terrible people. Traitors really. Big problem, big problem. They don’t want to make this country great again. They’ll probably be writing that I joked about shooting that nasty woman. So inaccurate. So irresponsible. We’ll be fixing that, believe me. So fast it’ll make your head swim. All the irresponsible things they write and say, we’re gonna fix it so they can’t say these terrible things anymore. It’s so easy. In this campaign, I take all of their slings and arrows gladly for you, I can tell you that. But no more.

We have no choice. We have no choice. We have to protect our freedom. What an amazing movement going on. A movement like they’ve never seen before.

And Paul Ryan. I get this call a few minutes ago, they say it’s the speaker. And I say “what speaker?” They say Paul Ryan. I say, ‘He’s not the speaker. He’s out. Tell him to stay in Michigan or Minnesota or wherever he’s from. I want a new speaker.” Then somebody says that I can’t do that, so you know what I say? I tell that somebody, “I’m the president, and you’re fired! But first, get me more Tic Tacs!”

Because now I’m the president. Paul Ryan, you’re fired too!

This is fun. When do I get the football, with all the nuclear codes? Anybody know? General Flynn? I can’t wait until I get the football. And where’s Newt? There he is. Come on out here, Newt Gingrich. America, meet your new secretary of state! So diplomatic. I promised you the best people, I didn’t forget!

Has Putin called yet? He hasn’t? You gave him my number, right? Maybe we should we call him first. I think  maybe we should. He might be waiting on me. We shouldn’t keep him waiting. Newt, do they have Tic Tacs in Russia? We should take some with us. I could show Putin my football, maybe let him touch it. Is my football bigger than his? I hope so. So amazing. Ahh-rent I amazing, folks?”

 

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2332 comments
Ficklefan
Ficklefan

This was beyond lame. Actually it was pretty silly. Big change was in the wind, and it was coming hard and fast, and now it is here. The politically correct elite establishment and the bought and sold lame stream media (aka Hillary Public Relations, Inc.) did not see it because they were all so wrapped up in believing their own BS. And, they were completely snookered  by the closet Trump supporters, (the "undecideds" who were not really so much undecided after all). And the elitist liberal, politically correct, and most openly biased lame stream media cabal in American history ended up looking like the fools they are. Another 4 or 8 years of this current nonsense would have been the end of us. 


Can't wait to see how the elitist, liberal, politically correct cabal reacts when Trump - with ample and well and fully approved precedent in place -  starts using "his" phone and his pen to start enforcing our laws rather than ignoring them.  

Janice Hudson
Janice Hudson

For 240 years we have been Proud to be known as the most powerful nation on earth. But now!!!!! We have become equal to, A Third World Nation!!! Over night!! God, Please Bless America!!!! And Guide us Through the Madness our president-elect will/is causing!!!! 

DerekGator
DerekGator

Jay, you have been wrong all season, the people have spoken.

Starik
Starik

Look on the bright side.  Maybe the Republicans will realize they don't need to pander to the religious right and similar types, and make friends with the Hispanics; the Democrats will quit pandering to whiny part of the the black minority, like the BLMatterers.  Black folks have proved they can make it on their own - if they try to work in the workplace and apply themselves in school.    

RoyalDawg
RoyalDawg

We are waiting for the speech Jay- and waiting with bated breath for your column tomorrow!!

You are as good a prophet as you are a writer- a biased hack.

Vincent1234
Vincent1234

President Donald J. Trump........     Say it with me Jay.   Say it like you mean it.

LordHelpUs
LordHelpUs

Congrats cons. I am stunned. Governing is hard so hope trump is up to it.

td1234
td1234

Exit polls saying Trump got 29% of Hispanic vote while Romeny received 27% and Hillary only received 65% while Obama received 71%. 

Doom Classical liberal
Doom Classical liberal

Just came in. The D senatorial candidate in Mizzou just conceded so the Rs will keep the senate. 


B-O-O-M-!

Doom Classical liberal
Doom Classical liberal

Gotta hit the sack. Maybe Hilz can pull out the last several states and we won't have to witness a prog meltdown. 

Heezback
Heezback

Hmmmm...is Blubberette warming up...we shall see...

Bruno2
Bruno2

Getting late, Doom.  Still waiting for a couple of key states to be called, hoping to seal it for Trump.  Man is there going to be a lot of crying here tomorrow should he win.

Any bets if Jay will apologize for the nonsense he's been spewing the past year or so??

I will make one last bet with anyone who will take it:  I bet we will see a very different Donald Trump should he win, much more thoughtful, much more conciliatory.  I think he does love this country and will do his best to build a successful future for all folks, including working class folks, including minorities.

Doom Classical liberal
Doom Classical liberal

@Bruno2


I actually prefer Hilz as the lesser of the 2 evils over Trump whose trade policies scare the hell outta me. But at least if Trump wins we can pack the Scotus. I'm just elated that the Rs will hold the senate. 


As for Jay apologizing or saying he was wrong I don't see that. But like I said earlier its stunning just how many columns he has written heralding the demise and death of the R party this year. Wow. He couldn't have been more out of touch with reality. 


And yeah. I actually do think that if Trump wins that he will be conciliatory. And I do think he is socially liberal so I don't think gays or other groups should have any fear of gains being rolled back. As much as I don't like certain things about him I do believe he really does want to see the country do well. And being a business man it would be great to see him roll back loads of regulation that hold the economy back. Maybe he'll surprise me if elected. 



cankles_mcloser
cankles_mcloser

Only pretend conservs left, what has come of this blog.....hopefully many loud bangs.......hehe

td1234
td1234

Oops, Trump wins the white college educated vote by 4 points. 

Doom Classical liberal
Doom Classical liberal

@td1234


Seems one or 2 posters in particular have been harping about that for the longest time. That only the rednecks vote for Trump and that the educated whites were all voting for Hilz. So much for that opinion. 

Bruno2
Bruno2

@td1234 What was the final outcome of the Black vote??  Better than for Romney??

Doom Classical liberal
Doom Classical liberal

@Bruno2 @Doom Classical liberal @td1234


Probably the most lightweight opinion I've seen him have was in the wake of the Michael Brown shooting. He was saying that if cops were real men they would fight it out every time they have a confrontation with a criminal instead of shooting them- A statement so silly on so many levels. 

Doom Classical liberal
Doom Classical liberal

@Bruno2 @td1234


One of the talking heads said the black vote came in much lower than when Obama ran. I don't think Hilz much wowed or convinced them.

Doom Classical liberal
Doom Classical liberal

@Bruno2 @Doom Classical liberal @td1234


Oh. I got ya. Yes. Just as td predicted I think he did garner a greater % of the black vote than Romney. Trump said some negative things about immigrants and Mexicans but I never saw that he said anything derogatory about blacks. 

DerekGator
DerekGator

@Bruno2 @td1234 :  Black vote is way off what Obama received.  Trump received way more black votes than Romney.

McGarnagle
McGarnagle

Well I am going to call it a night. Check back tomorrow

Bruno2
Bruno2

@McGarnagle Thanks for hanging, McGarnagle.  You showed courage by sticking around.

Bruno2
Bruno2

@cankles_mcloser @Bruno2 When you start suggesting people should shoot themselves, you lose all credibility and look worse than they do.  Just sayin'

Doom Classical liberal
Doom Classical liberal

So far the Dems have picked up all of one Senate seat. Rs still hold 53 seats as things stand right now. 


Seems not so long ago that they were screaming about taking the senate. Landslide they were saying. 


So what are they saying now? Where dey at? Where???

McGarnagle
McGarnagle

Well on the bright side, if and if Trump wins. Comedians everywhere rejoice.

Philo_Farnsworth
Philo_Farnsworth

Heard all day long that Latino turnout made Hillary a shoe-in.

What happened?

Bruno2
Bruno2

I'll be curious to see what the final spending figures will be for the Dems vs the Repubs.  We've been told for years that money buys elections along with many other lies by the Libs.  Trump turned all of the false suppositions upside down.